Thursday, January 7, 2010

Koreans vacation like Assholes

Here are two DAK stories from travelling. A DAK is a Dumb Ass Korean. Studies show that there are nearly 47 million of them in the Land of the Moaning Clam alone.

I was in the departure lounge at the Bangkok airport drunk and waiting for them to call for boarding FOR THE 11:30 pm flight. There were two stupid looking Korean women with nearly identical sun dresses and big bug eye sunglasses (mind you it was nearly midnight) trying to open a security door. The Thai Thai Air employee rushed over to stop them as it is not to be opened and the loud siren would sound.
After the woman returned to her station, the women went around trying to open other doors. I went up to the woman and asked her what the DAKs (Dumb Ass Koreans) were doing.
They wanted to smoke.
The woman said she told them they had to go upstairs and outside if they wanted to smoke and would have to pass the security scanners on the way back. DAKs are lazy though. They just kept trying to open doors. The Thai Air employee said that if they open a door and the siren goes off, she will let security deal with them. The woman added: "They are Korean. They are very strong at whatever they do." Indeed.
I knew that I had a friend in her, so I told her that I didn't want to sit next to any Koreans on the flight. She said she understood and blocked the seat next to me so that I didn't have to have a DAK sitting next to me on the way home.
I have another good story. This was about 7 or 8 years ago and I was flying Seoul to San Francisco on Singapore Airlines. You know the Singapore Chinese don't like the DAKs. Everyone in Singapore follows the rules to the letter. Or else they get a cane. So the flight was really not full, with plenty of seats around. I had three to myself and could almost stretch out for a nice flight home.

I went to the bathroom and when I came back, a DAK woman was sitting on the aisle seat and on my blanket. I asked her to go back to her seat and she refused. She said she had a right to sit there. I told her no, it was not her assigned seat and she needed to go sit in her assigned seat. She refused. Her husband was lying down in the four seats that they had to themselves in a row adjacent to mine. I guess they had been plotting to grab my 3 seat set up as soon as I got up.

I was really tearing into this woman. I told her that it is strange and inappropriate to move and sit next to another man on a flight and that she was making me feel uncomfortable. People were watching and listening. I called the stewardess over and before I could tell her the problem, the stupid DAK started vehemently arguing her point to a then-startled stewardess. Dumb move. I asked the stewardess to have the woman move back to her assigned seat, and the stewardess asked the woman to return to her assigned seat and that she would see what she could do to get her more room.

Of course, everyone who was smart (i.e. not Korean) had already grabbed more space after the flight took off.

I got the dirty looks and they were talking shit about me in Korean repeatedly. That was cool. Singapore Air will serve you Heineken after Heineken if you don't act drunk. I drank my fill, periodically trying to pass out (which is nearly impossible for me to do on a plane). But I had the pillows behind my head, the eye mask on, the blankets all cozy around me, and a smirk on my face that I knew was driving them completely batshit nuts.

Good times, good times.

Wednesday, January 6, 2010

Korean driving make me want to kill bunnies and puppies

"Koreans are actually very good drivers." The quote was from a high level student I once taught. I wonder which koreans he was talking about. I figured you could name them on one hand.

I always use this example when discribing the Korean "drivers": Imagine that you had a very tall 6 year old, taught him the mechanics of driving and the rules of the road, then told him he could disregard the rules anytime he wanted to.

Just got in from driving to the store a half a beer ago. I had a Korean cut in front of me while i was driving so that he could make a left turn across two lanes of traffic. No one in back of me, but he couldnt wait that 2 extra seconds.

Sometimes I pull up next to them to bitch them out. Most of the time they have no idea what they did. It is just how the ricetards.

Drunk again

Got drunk last night with an old friend, a new friend, and an Irish gentleman that I just met that night. There is an inverse relationship between how much one drinks and how intelligent the conversation is. The conversation devolved into a talk about how many dead Iraqis is equal to the magnitude of one dead American. I proffered that the answer was four.
"Fuck You!"
Repeated several times until the conversation slowly and awkwardly ground to a halt. It was 3 a.m. Time to go home.
I think that there is very little chance of having a mature discussion on US foreign policy with someone who is not from the States.
Nice guy though. Cool party; cool people.